So, today was quite a day. Often times in divorce situations, there comes a day when the trajectory of the circumstances changes dramatically; a death of a family member, a significant life event, a new job, or a child’s realization that he/she actually has a voice and decides to use it. That day was today.
A storm had been brewing for months and it was only a matter of time before the stars aligned and the weather conditions were ripe for lightning to strike. Our oldest is a cerebral type. This is a child that is very pragmatic, logical and bound by the virtues of following the rules. Equipped with a strong will that marvels the most stubborn of God’s creatures, this is a child bound by a code of ethics that makes this child unable to accept a lack of integrity or honesty. It is this rigid construct that both my ex and I understand we must navigate as we attempt to co-parent and rear the kids to be productive members of society. It is this basic tenet that was betrayed by Mom.
Over months, this child mulled the possibility of determining whether the current circumstances and living arrangements were aligned to what most would deem “normal” by conventional terms. However, the actions of Mom both stated, unstated; words spoken and unspoken have created a situation that was untenable. Without going into lengthy detail, a meeting was set at a local establishment between Mom (ex), Dad and Child.
With words and thoughts captured on paper, the Child began the conversation expressing desire to live full-time with Dad. That set off a series of questions and answers which gave Mom ample opportunity to tell the truth, be accountable and set about substantive change to the circumstances. Had she focused on the welfare and happiness of the Child, she would have seen the gift that was being offered to her; a second chance. Not only did she lie, not once but twice, to the Child’s face, she missed what may be the last opportunity to salvage their relationship. Her personal feelings and deep-rooted denial made her unable to avoid the reality of the pitfalls she was making. The Child was only looking to see that his Mom was worthy of his love. She failed him.
There were two mature minds in the conversation, but sadly, one of them was the Child. Mom took no accountability. Mom didn’t seize the chance to make amends and in the process sealed her fate with the Child. The request…stay full-time with Dad. What glimmer of hope remained to reverse course and change the Child’s mind was lost and much of the respect the Child had for Mom was too.