Try, try again they say. That is the mantra I maintain in attempting to keep communication lines open with Mom (ex). However, that process is made excruciatingly difficult when she is still in denial of the impact of her actions. Case in point…
I Mentioned in a prior post the whole family here attended a school function. The children were ecstatic to see both sides put away their swords and engage in activities solely focused on them. One child even tested the waters by holding Mom’s hand and Stepmom’s hand and made them briefly embrace!! The smile on the child’s face could light up the sky! It was as if a huge weight had been lifted and the skies were open with possibilities. The immediate reaction by Mom (ex) was one of astonishment. To her credit, she didn’t scream bloody murder or make a scene. She showed grace, which indicates it can be done.
After the function, I sent a follow-up text message stating, “Did you see the smiles on their faces?” I did that to keep our focus on the children and work toward more amicable interactions. Her response…silence. I let it go until the next day when I called.
My call had 2 purposes. 1) Follow-up see if she was willing to allow the other children from our extended family that will be traveling to town for Spring Break more time to spend with the other half of the family located here. No go. 2) Revisit the interaction at the school and thank her for showing kindness, respect and honoring the wishes of the kids.
Well, that was met with a standoffish, “Sure.” Sure is an answer you give when you don’t want to give a direct response affirmative or negative. I didn’t let that slide. “Sure?” She repeated her words, “Yeah. Sure.” I found myself having another juvenile conversation with a well-schooled, very accomplished, social welfare professional who can’t seem to focus her emotions or her actions on the kids. I implored her to consider her actions and the impact, but she accused me of being contrite. After a chuckle, I knew she had my motivations all wrong. I am not contrite. I have conviction.
Contrite: Feeling or expressing remorse or penitence affected by guilt. NO.
Conviction: A firmly held belief or opinion. BINGO!
The on-going irony of the situation is that she studied for years in academia to understand the basic foundational concepts of social work gaining an advanced degree. She worked tirelessly in the community seeing firsthand the children of broken homes and adults who stood in the way of a child’s love of life. She works now to ensure those that go without can find means to sustain themselves. Yet, she can’t apply those principles to her own life.
“Isn’t it ironic…don’t ya’ think” – Lisa Loeb