Family is supposed be 1st
So, not only do I have challenges with my ex (Mom) in terms of communication, selfishness and attitude, but I have been dealing with something even more upsetting with my choice in life partner. My brother…
To begin, my immediate family is my parents and my brother. I don’t have the luxury of having multiple siblings to confide in. We had a normal childhood. We are 6 years apart, so we were consistently in different stages of life. I benefited from it as a young adult because he had a fake ID I has access to and he looked like a grown man at 14! We fought like normal siblings but all of that nonsense ceased when he got into high school (and he hit the weight room). Fast forward, for 20 years, we have been copacetic into adulthood.
My ex-wife and his wife are very much alike. Grew up in the same place. Went to the same school. Had the same major. Worked at the same restaurant. All by happenstance. So, naturally, the women became close. We all were one big family. Once I decided to get a divorce, everything changed.
I confided in my brother, like I always did on life. He advised me accordingly and I heeded his advice. Moved my family to AZ to have support. When my lady made the decision to move with me amidst the decision I made, things changed.
The Flash Point
Every Christmas while I lived in AZ, we would all congregate at my brother’s home. Knowing that fact and sensitivity to my new lady joining me, I reached out to my brother to confirm. He said, “It’s cool. Bring her.” I reiterated my concern not to make his wife uncomfortable, he made it seem like no problem. My parents were also coming into to town and we were all excited! The day before Christmas Eve, I get a call from my brother. “My wife doesn’t want to do Christmas at the house if your girl and her kids are going. You are invited, though.” Huh??!!?? My response, “You know I am not coming right?” My brother, “I understand.” Ok.
Do you know…the next day, my brother and his family spent Christmas with my ex-wife and my kids and NOT with me, our parents, my lady and her kids. Awkward. He offered to visit the following day along with my nephew (not his wife or my niece), I said, “Don’t bother.” – – That was 3 years ago.
Since that time, every family special occasion, he has spent it with my ex and my kids and not me. Soccer games. Birthdays. Holidays. Pizza Friday. All of that…Now my niece is graduating high school. Guess who got their invitation a few weeks ago- my ex. Guess who STILL hasn’t received information – me! I won’t be able to go because of travel, but had I known, I could have worked around my travel. I wasn’t given that privilege.
I love my brother, but I don’t have the energy or time left on this Earth to try and make my brother change his commitment to family loyalty. I don’t have a brother- just some guy.
So I heed the words above and live my life. For me, family is ALWAYS first.